Sitting down, beer in hand, all ready to start writing up the sports section when the boss drops the bombshell. Just for once, says she, why don’t you actually try doing some of the things you’re writing about instead of just watching?

No problem says I, never one to shirk a challenge. How hard can it be to kick a ball about, play a few holes or get myself into the nets for a couple of overs? The answer is hard! Worse still, the world of sport has moved on since the days of Dickie Davis, Giant Haystacks and Big Daddy. Martial arts, hang gliding, snow boarding, canoeing, climbing big steep things with only a finger grip for support. I tell you, a couple of weeks spent trying out some of the options in the Bath sports listings would be enough to make a lazy man weep.

Me back’s gone, me legs are like jelly, me bottom things the government have banned comfy chairs and lest you think I’m a complete waste of space... I’m actually quite enjoying it!

Couple more weeks and I may just about squeeze myself into those old speedos. You don’t need to look quite so appalled!